


Connections

by xxsatinangelxx



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7042057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxsatinangelxx/pseuds/xxsatinangelxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one could deny the connection between Caitlin and Barry. In wake of the teams latest loss, Barry sat on the steps outside his house. Getting the fresh air he said he needed. This is also known as an alternative ending to 2x23. Spoilers inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connections

Sometimes the pain is worse than the day it happened. 

Caitlin remembered Barry saying that to her and she remembers thinking ‘finally someone who understands’ and a year on from that moment and she was still amazed at how much he understood her. Understood her need for space without so much as a word, understood her anger when it seemed misplaced. But most importantly he just seemed to understand the person behind the High School Principle outfits and that never failed to render her completely and utterly gobsmacked. 

Sometimes their understanding of one another went unnoticed and at other times people would take notice. Cisco would joke that they’re on the same wavelength, even Dr. Wells from Earth Two had commented on how ‘on the same level’ they were. Both of them just shrugged it off as some sort of link to their mutual loss, but Lately Caitlin couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe there was something more to it. 

After everything with Zoom, even after he lost his father they seemed to mirror each other. From the cold exterior to the breaking inside. The funeral had been hard for them all because despite not being related to Henry, he was their family and losing him felt like losing a part of themselves. She could only imagine how hard it was for Barry. The wake had been a rather long and heavy event, she remembered the first one she had for Ronnie and just how hard it was. 

She remembered that It took all her strength not to buckle under her heels in a heaving sob. Barry looked moments away from doing the same (minus the heels) when he walked outside needing to get some air. She waiting to see if anyone would follow him, Iris eventually did. The window was open in the living room and as Caitlin sat on the window sill she could hear Iris and Barry talking. She hadn't intended on eavesdropping but she was worried. Iris was like a drug for Barry and in his fragile state Caitlin was worried one poorly placed work might set off her friend.

She listened as Barry spoke about losing part of himself, how he’d finally come to accepting his mothers death when this happened. Iris came back inside rather quickly after Barry pushed her away, saying he wasn’t in the right mind to talk about the fact he had once told her he loved her. Caitlin knew that Barry had long since got over his crush on Iris, even earlier this week when she asked that they should give it a go, he was almost saved from letting her down by Zoom coming in and taking his father. Caitlin almost wanted to scream at Iris. She respected Iris but how much of a hypocrite can one person be? 

From where Caitlin was standing it always felt like Iris would only love Barry and be with Barry on her own terms. She understood that Iris had been with Eddie at the time of Barry's love confession and that Barry was just trying to be more honest about the things in his life, with no attachments invoked. But now? Now that Iris was ready, she had the nerve to ask him if they could be together after something so painful in his life? 

Caitlin knew Iris only wanted what was best for Barry and she also knew that in her own way Iris probably does love Barry but she had no right to ask about something so selfish on one of the worst day of Barry’s life. She watched Iris rush back inside, tears streaming down her face. 

Caitlin had to check on Barry, she had to know he was okay and not about to do anything rash, so she opened the front door but didn’t move any closer as she shut the door silently behind herself. 

“Mind if I join you?” Barry shrugged and Caitlin sat to mirror Barry’s position, leaning against the railing at the top of the steps to the house. The gentle summer breeze cooling her tear stained face, she took comfort in the touch of the wind on her face. A long silence passed. 

“Not going to offer me some words of wisdom?” Barry joked darkly. Caitlin shook her head, only drawing her eyes from the moon imhigh in sky as she spoke.

“What is there I could possibly say?” Barry let out a breath as if filled with relief. 

“Thank you” He spoke with a laugh to his tone. 

“For what?” Barry reached over and grabbed her hand. 

“For not trying to fix me” Caitlin leaned closer, a smirk on her lips. 

“I couldn’t if I tried” She winked at him then and got an actual laugh from him. It was short lived as the realisation of the situation struck him again. She knew that well, she knew that you could be happy in the moment but then you suddenly remember what you’ve lost and it’s like being grief stricken all over again. Then there is the guilt you feel for being happy, even for a moment in a world without them. 

“My Dad loved you, you know” Barry offered. Caitlin smiled, she too had been fond of him. 

“Not as much as he loved you” Barry raised an eyebrow at her. 

“You sure? He once told me if I don’t ask you out then he would” Caitlin gasped. 

“No way he said that!” Barry chuckled. 

“He said to me ‘Son, while you’re pining after Iris please don’t forget to take stock of the other beautiful women in your life’ I reminded him that I knew how beautiful you were and still are” Caitlin smiled to herself, trying to control her fluttering heart in such an inapporiate situation as this. Now was not the time for her feelings for Barry to cloud what's really important. 

“Can’t blame the Allen boys for having good taste” Barry chuckled once against that this time it seemed to lighten something in his heart. 

Their hands hadn’t let go of one another. 

“I am here for you” Caitlin started, drawing his attention back to her “Every step of the way. It’s not much and if I could change it I would Bar, but I can offer you the best I can give which is the solace promise that you will never be alone, in your grief or in live” 

The first tear fell, then the next, then the next. Something in her promise broke down every barrier Barry put up to stop himself from sobbing like a child. Neither of them moved as Barry’s tears turned to a sob. Neither did anything but look at one another with a brutal understanding of what reality is. There wasn’t a word exchanged for at least 10 minutes because like Caitlin had said, what is there to say? What could anyone say to make the heaviness of a heart in grief any more bearable?

“How do you do that?” Barry asked, genuine confusion in his tone as he continued to wiped his tears with his spare hand. 

“Do what?” Caitlin asked, handing him the tissue from her purse which currently sat beside her, knowing he’d finally calmed down. 

“Since you've come outside here, I’ve laughed and I’ve cried. You know Cait I’ve tried so hard to keep myself bottled up around you”

“I sense a but coming” Barry nodded with a smile, one that genuinely seemed to meet his eyes this time. 

“But it’s useless. It’s why I broke down earlier when you spoke about grief and understanding what I’ve been through because how can anyone in their right mind have lived through what I have and still be smiling at the other end? But you have and you always do. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but people have always spoke about a connection between us” he paused, considering his words carefully before continuing. She spoke up before he could find said words.

“We’re on the same wavelength, as Harry might put it” Barry nodded, placing his tissue clad hand on top of the one holding his. Her other hand soon followed.

“At first I thought people were just seeing what they wanted to see, you know? We were so focused on saving Central City or the world to take much notice of it and then around the time you and Jay got together I realised something"

“Oh? What’s that?” Barry sighed. 

“You snuck up on me Caitlin. I had expected almost every other aspect of my life...except you. All the pain and suffering you’ve seen and been through and here you are providing a friend with comfort while dealing with your own grief. You’re so selfless Caitlin. I don’t deserve you in my life” 

Caitlin moved to speak but he cut her off.

“Let me finish please, I need to say this” She nodded and like always gave him the space for what he needed to do. 

“Around the time you and Jay/Zoom got together I was genuinely happy for you. Honestly I was Caitlin. You deserved to be happy and when Jay ‘died’ the sorrow I felt for you was unlike anything I’ve ever felt for anyone else before. This connection we share almost felt physical, like my own heart was breaking because it was connected to your broken one”

Barry stopped again, hesitating. Did he have the right to say this to her after everything he'd put her through. Was he even in the right mind to tell her such honest things.

“Why are you telling me this?” Barry smiled, his decision now made. It's now or never. 

“Because Caitlin. I may not be ready for any form of relationship at this moment in time but you have to know how much I care about you. I may be the City’s hero… but Caitlin you will forever be my hero” 

For a moment his words left her stunned. Her, a hero? She was trying to get through the day-to-day without falling apart while making up for some of the damage her work on the particle ex celebratory had caused. As if taken over by something Caitlin moved closer to her hero and snuggled into his chest, who openly allowed such an action. It wasn't their normal interaction but today hadn't been a normal day and they were far from normal people. 

“Don’t do it” Caitlin spoke gently.

“Don’t do what?” Caitlin straighten up so she could meet his eyes. 

“Don’t go into the past and change everything” Barry blinked at her. How could she possibly know that's what he was thinking? 

“You knew?” Caitlin gave him a look. 

“I know you Barry Allen. I know this is too much for you to handle. I know you’re breaking inside and that is the only way you know how to fix it. But I’m telling you it’s not" She stopped for a moment, moving her hand to stroke his cheek as if finding a new work of art to obsesse over. "Everything happens for a reason Barry, even the grief we feel" she offered gently, moving to snuggle back into him. "Think about it, without the loss of your mother you never would have been Joe’s son. You never would have grown up with Iris. You never could have met Dr. Wells or Cisco or me. You never would have become the flash. No more meta humans running around”

“Is that such a bad this? No metahumans running round?” Caitlin shook her head. 

“I'd like to point out you're one of said Meta Human. You don’t know what affects it would have Barry. It could be worse than before, you could still lose them both by the time you’re the age you are now. Other people who weren’t Meta’s before could be this time around or you might never become the flash and have the family you do now”

“I just…” The lump in his throat preventing him from speaking. Caitlin leaned closer to kissed his cheek. The was too heavy for him, so she pulled back. Deciding enough was enough. Right now he just had to know someone was there for him and if that person had to be her, then so be it.

“I know Barry. I know. Don’t think about anything right now okay? Block it all out and hold me. Just hold me” Her words cut through all the noise in his head and he did as instructed. It was easy holding Caitlin, the way she smelled, to way her body just seemed to fit his. It was easy to rest his forehead on her scalp and breath her in, blocking out the rest of the world. Especially the world of pain he was currently in.

He held her for a long time, passed Dr McGee sneaking passed them. Passed Cisco coming out and given them some company and hot coco. Passed Jesse and Harry leaving, a father and daughter discussing going on as they left. Passed, Joe, Iris and Wally all beckoning their goodnights. 

“I wish I could stay like this forever” Barry whispered into her hair, which he’d started stroking hours ago. The flickers of the sun rising was starting to show. 

“Why?” Caitlin asked, her eyes struggling to stay open. 

“Because my heart doesn’t hurt when you’re this close” That cut through any sleepiness she was currently feeling and despite herself she smiled. 

“Neither does mine” Barry kissed her forehead. 

Barry is a long way from being okay and Caitlin is still trying to pick herself up from the pieces Zoom had left her in but right in this moment they both felt content. There was no where to go, no where to be. Nothing to do but be a comfort to one another. 

“Promise me you’ll always be there to let me hold you when the pain gets too much?” Caitlin almost demanded as dawn started breaking through darkness.

“It’s a deal, as long as you do the same”

"Consider it done" Caitlin sat up just enough to move forward an peck his cheek again before nuzzling her head between his shoulder and face. 

Their connection when beyond their mutual losses. It went beyond the fact they felt grief in similar ways. It’s went beyond the inside jokes or even the friendship they’d created over the last couple years. Their connection was beyond any conventional definition. The only way Barry could think of to explain it was Soulmates. 

It sounded stupid, even to him. But he couldn’t deny how connected they were. From the dressing in matching clothes on almost a daily basis, to the way they would almost quote each other word for word in certain situation. He also couldn’t deny how much better he felt when Caitlin was within touching distance. It was like he’d found the other half of himself. 

Like a breath he’d been holding had finally been released. It was almost like a high to Barry, he could not get enough but up till now he’d controlled himself around her to keep the premise of their friendship and also respect her space. He couldn’t deny himself the truth of the situation any longer. He loved her.

“I love you too Barry” Caitlin whispered as she slipped into the unconsciousness she'd been fighting since he engulfed her in his embrace.

Barry had been so shocked for a moment he just starred at the brunette in his arms. He then smiled to himself and he realised with great relief, he was going to be okay. Not today and probably not for a long time to come but with Caitlin here and the promise he made to her. He couldn’t go. He couldn’t abandoned her, not when she needed him. When when he needed her. 

After Zoom kidnapped Caitlin he made himself a promise. He was never going to leave her, Ever again. 

No matter what the personal cost was for himself.


End file.
